Smells like teen smear test

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 9 February 2006
SUBJECT: smells like teen smear test

Keith

Is the expression – "that smells like a tramp's ball bag" – offensive? My colleagues have been looking at me like Satan since I made this witty olfactory observation about rice cakes a moment ago.

Nick

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To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 9 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: smells like teen smear test


Nick

Not if you explain to them the old hobo habit of carrying all of their balls (ie gold balls, tennis balls etc etc) around with them in a small sack, in ye olden dayes. They used to keep their balls in a separate sack from their cocks (and other poultry) to avoid the smell of the one affecting the taste of the others.

And no-one wants smelly balls ruining a nice tasting cock (or any other equally delicious fowl).

Keith

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To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 9 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Re: smells like teen smear test

Keith

“No-one wants smelly balls ruining a nice tasting cock” – now if that isn't poetry, then my name's not "One-time" Nick ("We called him one time because he said everything one-time" – one of the funnier jokes in Mr Show, which has so far disappointed me, despite the presence of David "Arrested Development" Cross and Bob "Larry Sanders" Odenkirk.).

I'm sorry, but a rude version of crap seventies and eighties and indeed nineties ITV quiz show Catchphrase – Snatchphrase if you will – is still a great idea:

SETTING: A picture of a man looking into a bag filled with golf balls and turning his nose up, while a plump roast bird sits on his kitchen table.

Host: "Can you guess the phrase?"

Alternative new TV idea: Foxx Hunt. Something to do with hunting Jamie Foxx. On Fox. Hosted by a 3D hologram of Redd Foxx.

Nick