"He didn't know anything about me. Nothing. He didn't know who I was or anything."

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 13 February 2006
SUBJECT: Talentless non-actress falls for man with misspelt nickname at the “World Cup of Breakin'” shocker!

Keith

According to CNN and, well, pretty much everybody, actress "Mena Suvari has found love with a breakdancer, following her split from cinematographer husband Robert Brinkmann in May. The American Beauty star, 26, and Mike 'Murda' Carrasco, 23, have been dating for "almost six months" after meeting at a breakdancing event. Suvari tells People magazine, '(We met) at an event, at Battle of the Year. He didn't know anything about me. Nothing. He didn't know who I was or anything.' Carrasco, who performs with Las Vegas, Nevada-based troupe Knucklehead Zoo, explains the event is 'like the World Cup of breakdancing, and the USA qualifications were in Los Angeles, and we won that.'"

Everything about this story is wrong - "this is like the World Cup for Breakdancing." So, America have qualified for the World Cup of Breakdancing - who else entered - The Spanish, The Dutch, The Togans?

As I said, just weird.

Nick

•••

To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 13 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Talentless non-actress falls for man with misspelt nickname at the “World Cup of Breakin'” shocker!

Nick

That's genius: "He didn't know anything about me. Nothing. He didn't know who I was or anything."

Imagine the scene: Mena Suvari (not to be confused with Mira Sorvino or Nana Mouskouri ) walks away from the arena (cardboard? Where the hell do they have these things?), all hot and sweaty from a solid eight minute freestyle, including two headspins and a fierce body pop sequence that left her competitor Angelo "PoodingPap" Terwilliger flat on his back. As she walks, she encounters a young Mike "Murda" Carrasco.

Murdoo: That was dope. You fierce. Phat n stuff. N ting.

Mena: Do you know who I am? Do you? Do you f**king know who I f**king am?

Murdoch: Yo yo yo, easy, ting, you soft and stuff and fierce, knowhatI'msayin' my bizzle? And that.

Mena: What? What the hell are you saying to me? Do you know who I am? DO YOU?!?!

Muldoono: Nah, but like I'm just saying that you wickid and stuff and ting.

Mena pauses for a moment, her deep brown eyes searching Mulduchachy's own.

Mena: I love you.

Mackaroo: Yo, that's dope, the shizzle, knowwhatI'msayin?

Mena: Yes, Moondog, I do know what you are saying. And you don't even know who I am, do you? Do you? You don't right? Because that could blow the whole f**king deal.

Mackerel: Listen bizz-dizzle, not even sure who, what where, how, knowwhatI'msayin? And ting?

And so on. Love blooms in the most unexpected of places my friend.

Keith