Is that a centipede in your mouth or are you just glad to see me?

To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 16 February 2006
SUBJECT: Stop bugging me

Nick

While I love a good freaky love story as much as anyone, doesn't it bother Bunthawee Siengwong that the best his new bride can say about him in this story is "I like him"?


Weirdo insect pair wed
By PETE BELL
Sun Online

THE SCORPION Queen and Centipede King have held their Valentine's Day wedding at a haunted house. Kanchana Ketkaew, 36, who set a world record in 2002 for spending 32 days in a glass cage with 3,400 scorpions, married 29-year-old Bunthawee Siengwong who set a Thai record for enduring 28 days with 1,000 centipedes.
Kanchana's wedding dress was adorned with live scorpions, while Bunthawee enticed his bride into a kiss by placing a centipede in his mouth.
"I like him and I like it that we both are up for a real challenge," Kanchana said.


Frankly, that's more disturbing that the whole bug thing. Not by much, but a bit. And why do I secretly hope these two were really Ed and Bertha, a retired couple in their sixties, living somewhere just outside of Basingstoke or on a canal boat, looking to spice up their otherwise sad and desperate lives?

Keith

•••

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 16 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Stop bugging me


Replace the name of the insects in this piece with “penis” or “penises” and it becomes a whole lot more sensible in my book. And the word “like” with the word “require”. And the words “haunted house” with “Bognor Regis Butlins Holiday Camp”. And the word “wedding” with “orgy of coprophilia”. Oh, and the word “challenge” with the word “Sudoku”.

And the word “wed” with the words “eat shit”.

To wit:

Weirdo penis pair eat shit

THE PENIS Queen and Penis King have held their Valentine's Day orgy of coprophilia at a Bognor Regis Butlins Holiday Camp. Kanchana Ketkaew, 36, who set a world record in 2002 for spending 32 days in a glass cage with 3,400 penises, married 29-year-old Bunthawee Siengwong who set a Thai record for enduring 28 days with 1,000 penises.

Kanchana's orgy of coprophilia dress was adorned with live penises, while Bunthawee enticed his bride into a kiss by placing a penis in his mouth.

"I require him and I require it that we both are up for a real Sudoku," Kanchana said.


Nick