Excerpts from an ongoing email exchange between the deadly bored on film, TV, celebrity and beyond.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Judgement is Blind 2

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 9 March 2006
SUBJECT: Blind Judgement 2


More films that you now do not need to see, because I have not seen them for you. That’s right, it’s time for Blind Judgement 2 – and what a selection of worthy, non-entertainment we have today:

It’s British. It's an epic fantasy. It features a wicked queen. But no wardrobe, no lion and no midgets. And big surprise, no Ray Winstone.

Oil is bad, m’kay? Does for oil what Traffic did for drugs: makes an interesting subject dull and worthy. (Plus, it stars Siddig El Fadil off that Star Trek show, who then became Alexander Siddig because a friend couldn’t spell “El Fadil but apprently had no trouble spelling “Siddig”... say it with me: “Siiiidddiiiig”)

Not so much a title as a fervent plea. Ads contain the three words that will clear any cinema any time – “starring Ewan McGregor”.

Brits Kids and the Hood, innit. It’s like well ‘ard bein’ a teenager and dat and ting. No one unnastans us and dat and whatever.

Korol Lir (King Lear)
Another week, another black and white, subtitled, restored Polish version of a Shakespeare play. And next week it's a Colorama, Braille, Lithuanian version of Coriolanus.

Last Holiday
Queen Latifah has a terminal disease and goes on her last holiday – to the mythical land of Europe. But which nation does this woman rule?

A Dogme sequel to Dogville, Lars Von Trier, slavery, a sound stage, improvisation, and Ron Howard’s daughter. The last word in high-octane entertainment.

Deep Sea 3D (IMAX)
Experience sea in all its 3D glory on a massive screen or alternatively, have a bath with your goldfish and play some soothing whale tunes.

The Weather Man
Cage plays crime-fighting, weather-controlling superhero Hugo Storm. Oh, that’s a Weatherman.. This is actually just Groundhog Day without that wacky time-repeating-itself subplot.



To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 9 March 2006
SUBJECT: Blind Judgement 2


Huh hh huh. You said “Corialanus”. He he he.



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