Johnsons, Johnsons as far as the eye could see

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: Martin goes solo

Keith

They give with one hand and then snatch it back with the other. It's bad enough we have to suffer with bird flu, cancer, war, Abu Ghirab, Islamic (funda)mentalists, we also have to put up with this:

Coldplay: 'We're not splitting up'

Could only be made worse by the words "...and The Style Council are reforming"

Nick

•••

To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Martin goes solo

Nick

If it's any consolation, Chris Martin did say at the Brit Awards that 'We won't see you for a very long time.' So at least we'll get a break.

The skinny, poncy, self-important, smug, free trade supporting, celebrity wife impregnating, easy listening songwriting bastard.

And for the record, this is the best Brit Awards story ever (from Wikipedia): "In 1992, dance/art band KLF were awarded Best British Group (shared with Simply Red) and were booked to open the show. In an attempt to hijack the event the duo hooked up with Extreme Noise Terror to perform a death metal version of the dance song 3am Eternal that allegedly prompted composer Sir Georg Solti to walk out. The performance ended with Bill Drummond firing blanks from a machine gun into the audience and an announcer stating ”KLF have left the music industry”. Producers of the show then refused to let a motorcycle courier collect the award on behalf of the band. Later, guests arriving for an after show party witnessed KLF dump a dead sheep outside the venue with the message 'I died for ewe – bon appetite' tied around its waist. KLF disbanded three months later."

Justified and ancient.

Keith

•••

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Martin goes solo

Keith

And for the record, these are the two (make that three) best words in cinema for you – Alberto De Martino. If you’ve seen just one of the great man’s oeuvre, then weep cold turkey tears that Welles, Kurosawa, Kubrick, Fellini and their ilk are noted the world's great directors.

Did they make OK Connery? Did they create Puma Man? Did they author The Man with Icy Eyes? NO!

Nick

•••

To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Martin goes solo

Nick

Yes, but did Alberto De Martino direct "P.S. Your Cat Is Dead"? No he did not.

And therefore, what good is he, huh? He's no Guttenberg, my friend – not even close.

You need proof? I've got the proof, my friend, right here.


Keith

•••

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: Re: Martin goes solo

Keith


Damn that Guttenberg. He’s a trump card. Now’s when’s that Police Academy remake coming out?

Johnsons, Johnsons as far as the eye could see.

Nick