Bastard, chicken infidel, bastard

To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: I'd like it extra crispy please

Nick

Trying really hard to understand this headline, but failing miserably:

"Angry protesters burn down a KFC outlet in Pakistan over cartoons satirising the Prophet Muhammad, reports say."

Why? It's not Denmark owned or run, nor it is a newspaper defending the right to free speech It's not even defending the right to free chicken, which frankly I am behind 100%. It's a US company and the Americans are staying very quiet on the whole subject. Was it the colonel? Did he do something wrong? Was his secret recipe of herbs and spices somehow blasphemous? Or was it the fact that he is now represented in cartoon form and that all cartoons must now be made to pay the price for the insulting activity of the infidels?

Keith

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: I'd like it extra crispy please

Keith
Maybe it wasn't the famous KFC but a cheap knockoff. Maybe they thought it stood for something else – yes, that seems like a perfectly logical explanation. Maybe they thought that the cartoon chicken was offensive and was standing up for free clucking and therefore they burnt that mother down.

Nick

To: Nick
From: Keith
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: I'd like it extra crispy please

Nick

You think that’s worrying. Our whole way of life is in jeopardy and I don’t mean that the questions are the answers. This is a scary story

MPs to ban drinking in all pubs by 2007

MPs have voted for a ban on drinking in all English
pubs, clubs and private members' establishments by a
huge majority.
In a landmark free vote, the Commons agreed to extend
the ban to private members' clubs by 384 votes to 184,
a majority of 200.
Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt said she had been
swayed by arguments in the report stage debate on the Health Bill.
“I believe we all have an individual rights but the
reports on secondary drinking were very worrying,”
said the Health Secretary. “Secondhand drinking can
cause ugly people to take advantage of better looking drunk people for sex and this is something we just can’t have in our society.”
After Cabinet divisions on the issue and the threat of
a backbench revolt, MPs were offered a free vote and
Ms Hewitt moved to ban drinking in all pubs, with a
possible exemption for private clubs. The rule does not extend to MPs,
who are at liberty to drink, smoke, shoot horse and hit the pipe whenever the need arises.
It was Public Health Minister Caroline Flint who tabled the successful amendment to include private members' clubs in the ban. The government will move to propose a bill on banning all eating in restaurants in the summer, followed by its controversial no gear changing in cars bill.

Keith

To: Keith
From: Nick
Sent: 19 February 2006
SUBJECT: I'd like it extra crispy please

Keith

And if that’s not bad enough, You'll be thrilled to know that alcohol will soon be sold with health warnings, so the joke's on you buddy because it's going to be juice and water all round in the next few years. At which point, I expect a rise in secret "jazz" clubs serving "tea" to wealthy patrons. Now where'd I leave that top hat?